just moments ago on msn the lovely lovely biff and i were chatting about life, love and the pursuit of great sex. i'd come to a realisation about my current sexual practices and decided to share them with biff (in context of course)...anyways, our conversation headed down a weird path so i thought i should share the highlights with you:

[...]
alice: so how are you biff?
biff: i'm fuckin' excellent, in fact.
alice: excellent. that's excellent.
biff: it sure is!
[...]
biff: how goes?
alice: eh... i'm feeling weird these days. and i had this big epiphany related to relationships and sex and shit which has left me glad and frustrated at the same time
biff: how so?
alice: i just decided, that JUST sex isn't enough. so i'm not doing it anymore (or at least not for a while...) i don't remember what it feels like to fuck someone i really like. that's fucking depressing. so yay for that and boo for not having sex
biff: that's interesting... I haven't yet come to that conclusion... but i'll let you know when I do.
alice: ha ha.
[...]
biff: you just need to stop having "completely detached" sex you know? there has to be some faint connection there.
alice: yeah, i think that's more what i meant.
biff: that's why i'm paraphrasing!
alice: ha ha. truthfully, i wouldn't mind actually really liking the person first... i haven't done that for a while.
biff: yeah, that's neat too
there were tears says:
not all the time but y'know.
alice: ...unless i could be guarenteed fantastic sex. then...well, all bets are off.
biff: yes;.. that would be ideal
alice: i know someone like that. a spectacular asshole but so amazing in bed i don't even care.
biff: hahahahaha! that's a hilarious way of putting it.
alice: ha ha. it's the only way. he takes plain old asshole-isms and raises them to the level of art. he lives with someone, came to my show (a girl he's fucked on numerous occasions) and brought a date (who isn't his girlfriend)...
biff: hahahaha! he sounds awesome.
alice: there's definately SOMETHING about him. i think his totally callous nature is what makes him so attractive. his abject indifference is so appealing
biff: why do girls love jerks?
alice: i don't love jerks. i just fuck them
biff: hahahahaha
alice: but here's the thing...guys like that know EXACTLY what to say and how to say it. nice guys get sorta awkward and bumbling and that's cute but sometimes you want some fucking asshole with too much confidence for his own good to tell you they want to fuck you in the ass...
biff: hahahahahaha, jesus, i'm laughing my head off. wicked. tell it like it is!
alice: what else can i do? would i date someone who, over drinks, asks me how my gag reflex is? no, but they can sure come home with me that night...
biff: no ones ever asked you that over drinks, have they?
alice: that dude, the jerk, actually did that. we were walking down the street and he asked me how it was
biff: wow.
alice: after drinks but yeah... we stopped and we making out or whatever and he stuck his finger down my throat and asked me how my gag reflex was...ON THE STREET
biff: hahahahahahahaha ahahahahahaha...wicked!!
alice: come to think of it it was a little...wow. aren't you curious how i responded?
biff: uh, yeah!
alice: ha ha. i said, 'well, you could come over and find out...' and then i bit my lip and looked at the ground. ha ha.
biff: hahahaahaha.... it's like you were in a weird Showcase-style porno movie.
alice: I KNOW! everything was like a porn with that dude. EVERYTHING.
hey, can i use this conversation in a blog post?
biff: doooooo eeeeeet... pseudonym please.
alice: of course.
biff: i need to maintain my blognonimity.
alice: it's for my sex blog
[...]

the end.

it was a fun conversation; and it's true, sometimes all i want is an overconfident asshole to fuck me til i can't walk and then ignore me til he wants to do it again. SOMETIMES...

xo alice. (and biff...)